My
dear friend,
How
I hate you right now! You stole future memories and plans I had for our
friendship. That trip to Mexico for the
summer or our snow trip to Austria. Who
will come with me now? There is just a void now in the space of my life that
you once filled. I keep thinking why didn’t’ I do something, anything but what
could I do? You were smiling one day and
gone the next. I never knew just how much your smile was a mask covering the
pain deep inside your soul. Why didn’t’ you tell me? I could have helped, couldn’t’ I.
Was I never that good of a friend that you couldn’t’ tell me that you were hurting? Did I contribute to your hurt? I will never know the answers to any of my
questions and that is why I hate you! Your suicide has left me questioning
everything I thought I could count on.
Please come back.
Love
always your friend on earth.
Sometimes
there are no answers to ‘why’.
The death of a loved one by suicide is one of the hardest deaths to
grieve and understand. You don’t Just ‘get over’ a suicide. The grief
of a suicide can take years to process and the hurt may never be
forgotten. There is no letter from
heaven explaining why and even if there was, the answers may never help.
The
process of grief after suicide is a slow inch by inch process. The period of mourning and grief is different
for each person and there is no universal scale or measure on how long or
intense that pain will be. Once the
initial shock has subsided the range of emotions and feelings is
extensive. You may experience the
following:
• Shock,
numbness, denial
• Guilt
• Anger/blame
• Des pair
• Loneliness
and disconnection
• Depression
• Shame
• Searching
for the reasons ‘why?’
• Thoughts
of suicide yourself
Be gentle with yourself during the
grieving processing and take each day as they come by:
• Keep
in touch with friends and accept support - counter the feelings loneliness and
isolation associated with grief
• Honor
the deceased person - Talk about the memories, share photos and memories or
keep a journal
• Take
‘your’ time
- It is OK to do something nice for yourself while you grieve, get a massage or
even a day at the beach
• Ask
for help if you are struggling - Seek professional help and speak with family
and friends for support and ways to cope.
• Look
after yourself - Ensure you eat well, get some exercise and sleep. Try to avoid drugs and alcohol which will
only compound the grief.
• Join
a support group - Talking with others who have shared similar experiences will
help you not feel alone in your experience.
The
journey through the grief of the lose of a loved one is a gradual process and
can lead to a deeper understanding of life and your own humanness. The grief slowly gets integrated into life.
If you need professional suicide cleaning call Aftercare at (757) 535-4367
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